The ‘Worst’ of Cinema: Epilogue

If I attempt another season of this next year, I’ll have more fleshed out guidelines. Attempting to view ‘bad’ cinema in a succession was a struggle, but the real issues was having a clearly idea what a ‘bad’ film meant. Even if it’s just covering material that has less than a 5.0 rating on the Internet Movie Database Base, it will help out a lot. In terms of any conclusions, the obvious one is that the worst viewing experiences are not the films everyone talks about. It is not Manos: The Hands of Fate, not Showgirls, but the long forgotten films that individuals like myself search for on YouTube hoping they are good. Even if they were on the Video Nasties list, like two I’ve covered for this series, that is only a slither of recognisability that protects them from complete obscurity. They are usually the lowest of low budgets and without any creativity or distinctness to them, no infamous reputation or a Torgo to help them get their moment in the spotlight decades later. Usually high profile films I hate this much have personally offended me and that qualifies as its own section of ‘bad’ cinema.

Then of course, every film from the season has a message or two to be learned from them. Each title has a link to the review if you click the name. 

NOTE: The following may contain spoilers, including major ones, so be wary of reading the text before seeing the films mentioned.

From http://c.asset.soup.io/asset/3117/2460_5fc0.gif

Ninja Terminator (1985)

1.  A Garfield telephone is a sign of being a true ninja master.

2. Ninjas are possessive of their shurikens.

From http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20111110014836/theflophouse/images/4/43/Vlcsnap-2011-11-09-21h46m12s123.png

The Invisible Maniac (1990)

3. Fishing wire is one’s best friend in a T’n’A movie.

4. Sub sandwiches are dangerous if not consumed in a proper manner. This is why you are taught to chew your food.

From http://www.videotapeswapshop.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/dont2.jpg

Don’t Go Into The Woods Alone (1981)

5. The woods are full of psychotic mountain men and random girls on roller-skates who will bump into you.

6. If you are in a wheelchair, it is not worth it to go up a large hill. It’s tiring and you’ll regret it.

From http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lla6fotTrH1qaoo4lo1_500.jpg

Dude, Where’s My Car? (2000)

7. Everyone needs a Rubik’s Cube.

8. Beware of ostriches.

From http://i.ytimg.com/vi/GrHkbqssc10/0.jpg

Strike of Thunderkick Tiger aka. My Name is ‘Twin Legs’ (1982)

9. Again, everyone needs a Rubik’s Cube and it’s the perfect way to store a secret from everyone else.

10. Denim jackets and harpoons are the hottest accessories for leaders of evil crime gangs.

From http://i.imgur.com/mgUvr.png

Jack and Jill (2011)

11. If you are Al Pacino, you can have a loud mobile phone conversation not only through a theatre performance but while you’re actually in it in the lead. He also has a fascination with ceiling fans equitable to a cat with a piece of yarn.

12. Maybe it’s a sign of disconnect if you’re adopted son is sticking random animals to his own body.

From http://s3.amazonaws.com/data.tumblr.com
/tumblr_l604rxSHuH1qzhiqwo2_1280.png?AWSAccessKeyId=AKIAI6WLSGT7Y3ET7ADQ&Expires=
1361487064&Signature=Y%2FeBKJt3yrugYCP5CLZpK8cXaLs%3D

Halloween II (2009)

13. Any psychologist cum author will have to face the wrath of ''Weird Al'' Yankovic on a talk show.

14. Beware of cows.

From https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8QRl3m6_inIo_blNbuqWjzMu41U2GVryRI7Wf0vTJjWSiabPbnHnbiZyz364nQECq1i6JLH41Klk8Drc5_dbA0111EXhuaLEkAgpFWNaAkB2nQR5TtX7yUvErsXcFCPVruGnF9pQCH_IV/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-07-13-21h03m11s254.png

Psychic Wars (1991)

15. You can indeed cure cancer by punching it in the face.

16. Prayer beads are designed for more than just religious practice but as a constricting weapon.

From http://www.hotflick.net/flicks/2005_Son_of_the_Mask/005SOM_Bob_Hoskins_001.jpg

Son of the Mask (2005)

17. It is not normal for your new born child to pee in three directions at the same time like an elaborate water fountain.

18. Loki’s reputation in mythology probably has as much to do with the fact that his father Odin is so impatient he doesn’t actually listen to what anyone else says before punishing them.

From http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4cuofSLba1qdc388o1_500.gif

Roots Search (1986)

19. If you are up against an entity who feeds on your nightmares, everyone in your deep space crew except the cute girl in an exceedingly large red beret (or Richard T. Jones and Laurence Fishburne) have to have past traumas. It is the ruling for all space missions globally.

20. When you become pregnant during a pink screened fantasy sequence, you give birth to the Star Child.

From http://www.oocities.org/hotsprings/sauna/2978/mason.jpeg

Plan 9 From Outer Space (1959)

21. Dead men raised from the grave by aliens will terrorise women by going into their houses and walking at them with their cape covering everything below their nose. It would probably scare most men too if such a man was stood above you while you were sleeping.

22. It takes at least nine times for an alien species to have a plan which will have some semblance of success. Either that or they have severe quality control that rejects the plans with less than 75% chance of success.

From http://www.cantstopthemovies.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/sunday2.png

Sunday School Musical (2008)

23. When a talented dancer/singer sulks on a roof, he does so in brief, choreographed hissy fits with non-digetic music.

24. The teacher’s pet in the religious class at Christian schools is a total, egotistical dickhead.

From http://horrornews.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/Frozen_Scream1.jpg

Frozen Scream (1973)

25. The narrator has the power to speak over conversations of other people they are not even privy to onscreen.

26. It is custom amongst evil henchmen to threaten to murder pumpkins when carving them into Jack o-lanterns.

From http://b.vimeocdn.com/ts/171/538/171538072_640.jpg

Dünyayı Kurtaran Adam aka. Turkish Star Wars (1982)

27. Be careful of using your famous wolf whistle that attracts women on an alien planet. It may bring skeletal horseman instead.

28. Despite the fact they could use any human brain to destroy the brainwave force field protecting the Earth, an evil, cosmic wizard is very picky with what cerebral matter they use.

From http://alive-ua.com/uploads/posts/2012-12/1356880977_720p_9990.jpg

Double Team (1997)

29. Even cyber monks have to put up with porn ads on their computers.

30. Tigers and landmines seem like a good idea at first...

From http://366weirdmovies.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/manos_the_hands_of_fate.jpg

Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)

31. Be wary evil cult leaders, your male servant may be a sex pervert and may do to your sleeping wives what the male protagonist of Neon Genesis Evangelion: The End of Evangelion (1997) does to his comatose co-pilot.

32. Said servant probably doesn’t get paid or have a pension though, partially explaining such perverted behaviour. If any menial work, even with cult leaders, does not have any bonuses or does not encourages its staff, they will behave in inappropriate ways to customers and fellow employees in similar ways to occupy themselves.

From http://hkmdb.com/db/images/movies/15108/TheUltimateNinja+1986-7-b.jpg

The Ultimate Ninja (1986)

33. A celebrity in a small village is the daughter of the martial arts master.

34. Having ‘ninja’ on the headbands helps your amnesic ninja warriors remember who they are.

From http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_xgDJUWDazQg/S7dshnAyS5I
/AAAAAAAAAio/D2vzaN9W5kU/s1600/moon+beast.jpg

Track of the Moon Beast (1976)

35. A proud cook should go through all the ingredients of the meal they’ve cooked for everyone else while they’re eating the meal.

36. Romance and alien lycanthropy is difficult to juggle.

From https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZOyfI_MWn14C7Vhb4Ue0ntc_NeSoz0HrmlbGJ2hGve-xXFRYCjW7iVoQLYKf2pobhptGP0szyLwmjPd1N1EzxppLV9jyD1VL-PdJ5dG-hsPJXQTqvysQykhneOp2eK92pfXluFwmI3jqi/s1600/The_Humanoid_%25
2528OVA_1986_Kaname+Pro%2529.mkv_001810683+copia.jpg

The Humanoid (1986)

37. A political leader whose last name is Proud is probably the worst person to have elected if they have any plans that they think will not fail in the slightest despite warnings from first hand witnesses of the last time the plan failed.

38. You can overcome the loss of a loved one with a good coffee.

From http://image.hotdog.hu/user/sajuri/magazin/van_helsing_2004_1920x1280_823447.jpg

Van Helsing (2004)

39. In Transylvania, a Queen of the Gypsies is able to accomplish athletics in high heels that would break another woman’s ankles if they stepped into a grill by accident.

40. Vampires have arguments that are melodramatic even compared to soap operas and probably have really sweating, slimy make-up orgies afterwards. Just do not ask about pregnancy and birthing.

From http://lh3.ggpht.com/_goOTcYF7VN4/SeVVMAUZIBI/
AAAAAAAAAvs/pjzKpf0FLZM/s400/Ninja10.JPG

The Ninja Strikes Back (1982)

41.  James Bond memorabilia is reused by Japanese sex slave traders.

42. Beware of topless massages.

From http://i082.radikal.ru/1211/45/700394fe0cb9.png

On Deadly Ground (1994)

43. Do not hire John C. McGinley as the leader of your goons. He can run a hospital, and can berate imbeciles in the group, but he’s all talk and yet completely incompetent at the work.

44. Steven Seagal is so good he can beat you with just a game of Slaps. Put him against a grizzly bear and it’s a completely different match.

From http://i.imgur.com/2lXNH.png

Apollo 18 (2011)

45. Pet rocks are not innocent.

From http://fearofaghostplanet.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/Batman-and-Robin-Mr-Freeze.png

Batman & Robin (1997)

46. Superheroes have their own credit cards. Superman’s only weaknesses are Kryptonite and debt collectors.

47. Sidekicks have egos and are horn dogs. This is also why Superman works alone.

From http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_BcbuH_teL2Q/S8tIv8bKRFI/
AAAAAAAACdw/7uLQJH_bIds/s1600/DominatorCov.jpg

Dominator (2003)

48. If you are an evil Overlord of Hell, don’t let your demonic minions near alcohol. Drunk they will slag you off directly into your face and switch sides.

49. Carol Vorderman apparently likes generic heavy metal.

From http://s54.radikal.ru/i145/1204/0c/db54f7b98206.jpg

Sword of Bushido (1990)

50. Ninjutsu needs to include basic practice of looking both ways while crossing a road.

51. Never pass up on an opportunity to have a car chase in a go-kart.

From http://planetaua.net/uploads/posts/2010-07/1278237166_8f87a111e85c99664a13827588e68185.jpg

Showgirls (1995)

52. The most vital things in a Las Vegas showgirl’s refrigerator, an ice tray and dog food.

53. Las Vegas isn’t Oz let alone Kansas, but there are still monkeys everywhere.

From http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_EHBh8MKeXJ0/TSUy_nO3XoI/
AAAAAAAAABw/Ryh2W5XWzYs/s1600/worst-robot-monster-1953--630-75.jpg

Robot Monster (1953)

54. Dinosaurs suddenly appear when you use your death ray.

55. Unlike human beings, Ro-men are able to communicate across outer space with just a radio and a TV screen.

From http://torrentszona.com/torrents/images/Morg_Mortuary_2005_BDRip_1285557700-123502.jpg

Mortuary (2005)

56. When it looks like its Clint Howard playing the main monster, you can’t find his credit on the film’s IMDB page and feel very disappointed.

57. Little sisters are oblivious to you smelling of weed.

From https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXE7JLq9SBaASTAYoj8cE6xqo-GGkGSm5378KdH9dyi8g4vz7KrwnNdCl1TLqiPv3QOkTX-x-i7tLmBWZTPd2Z1zHRcydnu0rBmrvJSCFnbh-Rj9MDV3ROb3oufd9xF1JAYl25abfBqq-v/s1600/IG02.jpg

International Gorillay (1990)

58. Rocket launchers sound like rayguns.

59. Disco floors can be programmed to cause people to explode on specific tiles.

From http://leetleech.org/images/15810621566410270391.jpg

Cutthroat Island (1995)

60. It’s not deemed crossing a line when you fire your ship’s cannons at a female pirate trying to escape on land despite the damage you’ll cause to the town and architecture doing so.

61. If you have plans to acquire lost Spanish treasure, get a pawn shop consultant just in case. You can divide equally gold doubloons easily, but giant gold crosses need to have their value evaluated against the rest of the loot so there aren’t any controversies amongst the crew.

Hopefully these useful pieces of life advice will benefit you as it did for me. Until the next time, if another season of this does happen, I’ll be going back to the regular reviews. This Week... will unfortunately have to end as because in hindsight attempting to cover every film I watch defeats the purpose of enjoying films and being selective in my review choices. Instead, each month I will have a look back at the films I will have seen, which will include a film or two from this season for the month of February.

Until then, I’ll enjoy life like Michael Caine, star of On Deadly Ground, is doing so here...

From http://cdni.condenast.co.uk/642x390/a_c/Bullseye_GQ_13apr11_pr_b.jpg

The ‘Completely Indefensible Film I Happen To Love’ [Batman & Robin (1997)]

From http://images4.fanpop.com/image/photos/18700000/Batman-Robin-logo-batman-and-robin-1997-18774758-1280-720.jpg

Dir. Joel Schumacher

United Kingdom-USA

Film #24 of The ‘Worst’ of Cinema

With this review, all my credibility will probably dissipate, but I defended the film in this article regardless. Just don't call it a guilty pleasure, please, I love this film in its stupidity sincerely.

Review Link - http://www.videotapeswapshop.co.uk/12689/in-defence-of-batman-and-robin-%E2%80%93-1997/

The ‘Solid But Flawed Film’ of Cinema [Cutthroat Island (1995)]

From http://wallpoper.com/images/00/35/65/27/cutthroat-island_00356527.jpg

Dir. Renny Harlin

France-Germany-Italy-USA

Film #31 of The ‘Worst’ of Cinema

From http://www.fernbyfilms.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/cutthroat-island-1995.jpg

Fantasy and pulp storytelling, the kind that existed before cinema and comics in literature, is a vast ocean, not to create a pun, that I have only sunk my toes in into but has provided a vast amount of imagination and sincerity that is still effecting even to someone like me from this century. Cutthroat Island was clearly an attempt to evoke fiction from the past through pirate fantasy, and it immediately brings up this fact and reminds me how all of this entertainment fully connects together in a web. It starts with mythology, once worshiped as actual religious belief from the Greeks to the Vikings, and is now at the point of superhero films in dozens in the summer season. One has to wonder however if the mass audience is aversive to films that draw on classical storytelling for the adventure genre – not coloured by current fads, no hot celebrities, no cool new band doing the soundtrack or McDonald’s tie-ins – with only the Indiana Jones, and to an extent Pirates of the Caribbean, films being the exception. Considering what happened with John Carter [Of Mars] (2012) last year, which I did see at the cinema and quite liked, it is surprising that a film like that failed miserably at the box office. Cutthroat Island has major flaws, but to think that this died so badly at the box office as it did, ending the production company Carolco Pictures through bankruptcy*, and was critically mauled is baffling. We get successful historical dramas, but pulpy, rollicking adventures with the few exceptions seem to be financial poison.

From http://g-ecx.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/dvd/lionsgate/Cutthroat_1_lg._V219329200_.jpg

After her father dies, the daughter of a pirate captain Morgan (Geena Davis) takes control of his ship and goes on a journey to collect together three pieces of a map that will locate Cutthroat Island and the hoardings of Spanish gold hidden there. It is an exceptionally lavish production; barring some obvious (and horrifically dated) superimpositions of actors falling from large heights, which seems an odd mistake to have in the film in hindsight, this feature stands up in terms of technical and visual quality onscreen. One wishes this sort of production still existed even, with elaborate stunts and constructed sets like pirate galleons for the actors to fight in and around. It is the kind of craftsmanship that feels lost in a lot of mainstream cinema now, and it is regrettable that this sort of production value was easily dismissed back then. Great looking films are still made now, but there are many that look poor in comparison, bland, grey and/or digitally touched up. The only film I’ve seen that used current aesthetic tools properly was John Carter and that did a swan dive theatrically. If there is a major failing with Cutthroat Island, which was clearly a passion project for Renny Harlin and his wife Davis in how hard both of them work, it’s that the adventure in the film does not have enough friction or suspense to it to fully engage. This is a more realistic take on pirates – still a romp, but it doesn’t have a giant Kraken or an undead crew – and while the heroes are elaborate in their look or personalities, Davis as a strong female lead and Matthew Modine as the potential love interest in a relationship where she carries the sword, there is little threat to them to work from. While he has played two of the most evil men in history, Skeletor and Richard Nixon, Frank Langella is not given a lot to do as the evil pirate captain also after the treasure, and neither his crew or the British colonial soldiers after Morgan are much of an opposing force. Without the supernatural tone of the Pirates of the Caribbean series or the dramatic incidents every page from a good piece of adventure literature, Cutthroat Island cannot completely sustain one’s interest in the narrative.

From http://thisdistractedglobe.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/cutthroat-island-1995-frank-langella-pic-5.jpg

Nonetheless it has more virtues to it than its reputation has suggested. The sense of quality to the film is still there regardless of its imperfections. It feels sad to think that the epic yarn, rather than the historical epic that usually does well at the box office still, rarely succeeds when a new one is made or ends up being compromised to reach a wider audience. This is even more a problem as, thanks to audio books, I’m acquiring a sweet tooth for this type of storytelling but there’s few cinematic equivalents to feast on. It also feels like a perfect film to end this season on as it shows that what can qualify as the ‘worst’ can also be damned not necessarily for bad quality but because it is not in the current taste of the audience of the time, shows the follies of marketing and budget spending (I was going to cover Heaven’s Gate (1980) for this final review, but that can wait another day), and the fickleness of what succeeds and what is savaged in reviews. I am not suggesting Cutthroat Island is a great film, and I’ve yet to see a film where Renny Harlin goes beyond being a solid filmmaker and punches up into great vulgar filmmaking, but this whole season has felt more like a prodding of old pop culture to try and see what people were thinking about with cinema even in a decade (the nineties) I grew up in as a child. With Cutthroat Island it’s probably the lesser of two evils when put against some films that are far more worse, and were likely covered on this blog even outside of this season; at least Cutthroat Island has some production quality to it while I have seen some utterly unfortunate films even in my day-to-day filming habit.

*Releasing Show Girls (1995) the same year probably didn’t help either.

From http://images6.fanpop.com/image/photos/32500000/Cutthroat-Island-geena-davis-32511931-1200-802.jpg

The ‘Lower Rung Video Nasty’ of Cinema [Don’t Go Into The Woods Alone (1981)]

From http://c3.cduniverse.ws/resized/250x500/movie/399/6994399.jpg

Dir. James Bryan

USA

Film #3 of The ‘Worst’ of Cinema

The following review is another addition to my growing amount of reviews of Video Nasty films. They are a divisive group of films.

Link - http://www.videotapeswapshop.co.uk/12164/don%E2%80%99t-go-in-the-woods-1981-director-james-bryon/

The ‘Exploitation Movie’ of ‘Religious Versus Literary Controversy’ [International Gorillay (1990)]

From http://www.nanarland.com/Chroniques/internationalguerillas/jaquette.jpg

Dir. Jan Mohammed

Pakistan

Film #30 of The ‘Worst’ of Cinema

This review has been long is gestation, since last year before this season came about; I have even read the Salman Rushdie novel The Satanic Verses, central to the existence of this film, to give me background to this infamous ‘Lollywood’ film from Pakistan. When author Rushdie first published The Satanic Verses, a magic realist story that tackled the divide between someone of West Asian descent and a secondary identity of being British, and of the divide between religious belief and doubt, he provoked outrage from Muslin communities for the book, particularly a segment based on the prophet Muhammad where lines are added into the Islamic rulings of there being three goddesses who can be worshiped, the ‘satanic verses’, which are pulled out of the scripture by the messenger of Allah immediately afterwards. Along with other aspects that could be seen as damning or undermining Islamic belief, he would eventually have a fatwā placed on his head for his death by the late spiritual leader of Iran Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini. A film like this, when you review it, would make it difficult for some to hold their tongues about their religious beliefs or the concept of freedom of speech, but in hindsight I may have over researched for this review. Rushdie’s novel was exceptional, and it helps to know the book that caused such an outrage it lead to a murder and attempted assassination attempts, but International Gorillay is far from a serious film despite its background and the hatred within it for Rushdie. It was made merely as a commercial film and the idea of cashing on the controversy as it did makes it a true exploitation movie. It’s also demented.

From https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1rJV3ND8iMQLzEHIMREJ8KFMxIKP599uiQzi1HO9fWOPaRDB7nQjbbM07UBZSmq81OzkUouBdzKIC2uY5XVoHxfG1AzKIosLHMKtIXaB4pSkY0SoSFBZtTE_piESeSQqzjBKf5FffNs-P/s1600/IG07.jpg

When the Islamic world is terrorised by the evil Salman Rushdie, a Bond-like villain in sharp clothes, his own personal army of goons and torture techniques including forcing the Muslim prisoners to listen to The Satanic Verses in audio book form in jails, three Muslim men of the same family, after relatives are shot down by corrupt policemen during an anti-Rushdie protest, go abroad to kill Rushdie for the sake of the Islamic (and Pakistani) people. When the title credit, in a two and a half hour film, appears fifty minutes in, you realise International Gorillay is very different from other films. It’s condemnation of Rushdie, in the countless proclamations against him to his face, may actually be awkward even for Muslin viewers who were offended by his novel, and when it’s in the content of a Lollywood film, where there are musical numbers even during the final confrontation with the villain, and action scenes that would make Italian genre films like Strike Commando (1987) look like Twilight, and it causes more problems with the message. Make the film as erratic in the technical side as it is and in the ideas onscreen as well and your brain turns into the consistency of mash potato. The version of the film I saw was atrocious, a video rip which had moments where it seemed the frame had to be fixed like one would see happen by accident in a cinema, but technically this film is off as well. This is especially the case in the editing; seconds in the narrative pace seem to be missing, where it transitions into the next explosion without any establishing set-up, and a protagonist is suddenly in another place or switches from having a gun to a crossbow to mow down henchmen. The repetition of footage in-between ongoing sequences is almost avant garde but it also baffles and undermines how one puts together images to create a juxtaposition. It’s on the opposite side of Ninja Terminator (1985), the first film reviewed in this blog season, in that the placing together of images in the film actually undermine the concept of editing and scrambles how you a as a viewer connect images to create a succession of narrative. It is the film where everyone gets a reaction shot every time something significant happens, usually with a smash zoom to their face. It is like a high budgeted version of Turkish Star Wars (1982) with far more action choreography – explosions, motorbike chases with rockets, helicopters – and even has a ‘rip-off’ aspect by having the protagonists, for no reason, attempt one of their raids on Rushdie in homemade, Adam West-era Batman costumes.

From https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXE7JLq9SBaASTAYoj8cE6xqo-GGkGSm5378KdH9dyi8g4vz7KrwnNdCl1TLqiPv3QOkTX-x-i7tLmBWZTPd2Z1zHRcydnu0rBmrvJSCFnbh-Rj9MDV3ROb3oufd9xF1JAYl25abfBqq-v/s1600/IG02.jpg

International Gorillay and its exploitation cinema mentality against its reverence with the Islamic religion do not mix very well. It is a film where Rushdie has in his arsenal identical versions of himself, musical numbers about the ‘bullet of love’ with a gun being fired as part of the chorus percussion of one song, and guitar hot licks from the American, straight-to-video action films made around this time. This does not gel with the praise of Allah and His Prophet Muhammad at all, as would happen in a Western film which tried to have this type of tone with a heavy Christian message, or any message that is supposed to be taken seriously. The film even has comedy relief in the form of a bumbling Saudi Arabian sheik and his right hand man who work with Rushdie and have comic hijinks, including someone having giant, yellow glasses with miniature windscreen wipers on them. It doesn’t help though as well that the film is anti-Semitic, with a Jewish femme fatale with psychic eyes and her brother on Rushdie’s side, adding unnecessary fire to the real life conflict between Judaism and Islam, within a pulp film. Even something like Turkish Star Wars managed to avoid this, celebrating the virtues of Islam and Turkish heroes while not trodding on other religions for cheap effect and going as far as having Christianity part of its mythology. The ending, which I won’t spoil, is on YouTube, but its moment of divine intervention does not fully impact you unless you’ve seen the whole feature, seen the musical number beforehand proclaiming the virtues of Allah and seen it in its proper context. Then it feels like, regardless of your religious and political beliefs, like you’ve been struck by lightning yourself.

From https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3B11IdP12YxZV4NocLMxfRiVbQLLW5sjRoclZSqsko4uqTDzR9aXqj9CaA92dtuITOzWc2CY1iXsvoCZonCwuygZgSj2Y4tD1v6kXmzLNIK0f5t8VQ8TMDsfIzHSxwSL2LYiDi4jirc-G/s1600/IG01.jpg

The British Board of Film Classification banned this film from being released in the United Kingdom at first, but it was Salman Rushdie himself who persuaded them to change the ruling, under the belief of freedom to speech even for works negative of him, and because the film was so abstract from reality that no one would take it seriously. In The Satanic Verses, one of the two protagonists is a megastar of Bollywood cinema, and while this is a Pakistani film, International Gorillay feels like something Rushdie could have created for the story depending on where the plot of that book would have went to. Historically, despite the fatwā placed on his head and protests against his knighthood in the 2000s, Rushdie is an acclaimed author, while I only found out about this film because of The Satanic Verses controversy, the only large group who think about this film a great deal being a French website called Nanarland, which I wish I could read in its French text, who celebrate ‘bad’ cinema. This review could easily, by accident, become an insulting and patronising take on Islamic religion, but while the historical background of Rushdie is important to get more out of it, International Gorillay, while trying to give some cathartic entertainment to offended people, was never meant to be taken seriously and cannot be taken seriously. It’s entertaining, certainly, but it’s also bizarre, in its own unique world regardless of its context as a mainstream film from Pakistan. It’ll be impossible to forget it from all the films I’ve seen from this season.

From http://s3.amazonaws.com/auteurs_production/images/film/international-guerillas/w448/international-guerillas.jpg?1308262039